A moment of love

About a month ago, I was out one evening for my regular jog down Carter Road and I was immersed into listening to a track by an artist I had recently discovered and I while was completelyyyy into my zone, SUDDENLY, for a split second I had this deep realisation that I hadn’t spoken to my Dadu (paternal grandfather) FOR A WHILE.
I felt this major pang of GUILT and I realised that I haven’t checked on him and I have completely forgotten to update him that I have moved to Bombay!
How terrible of me!

Now, as an automatic reflex I paused my music, searched ‘dadu’ up on my contact list and called him excitedly- to tell him everything I have been upto.

BUT

I immediately pulled my phone away.

I stopped, I paused.
My heart skipped a beat and I didn’t even realise that I was in tears.

Because in that same moment, I also realised there is no Dadu to call.
There is no way I can check on him.
No way I can tell him - that I miss him, that I live in a new city now, that I am happy now and that I am going to meet him first thing when I’m back to my hometown.

I could only stare back at my screen and regret.

There was no Dadu to call because he had passed away a little over a year ago.
 (No, I don't hallucinate)
He left this world in February 2021 and in that moment, standing at the curb of the road, I realised I hadn’t even grieved his demise fully.

I took this moment in.
I just stood still and let a few moments pass by.

I felt a little shaken up and realised that I was in tears because of the guilt that swept over me.
That when he was around I never had time for him.
That I never really told him what I was up to in life and I didn’t connect with him much when he was there.

The only relief in my heart was that I chose never to leave his side in his last days.

But is that enough?

To be with people we love when they’re in fragments? And while they’re around, we forget that we love them?

Why am I writing this down and sharing it with all of you today?

Because we, as a generation, are SO afraid to be vulnerable and we as a generation are SO afraid to tell people what we feel about them.
We are so busy acting COOL and nonchalant!

What are we so afraid of? This is not only for parents or grandparents but also for friends and people in between.

I took that pure moment of realisation and felt how he happy he would have been to learn about the new chapters of my life and the progress I was making.

YES, it WILL make people happy when they HEAR from you.

Something shifted in me that day and I decided that I will reach out to people I think about and miss. I will tell people that I want to talk to them or I haven’t heard their voice in long and that I DO think about them. What have I to lose?

It’s OKAY to let people know that you value them even if they are not a consistent part of your life.
The moment we start letting loose and start expressing, trust me, you will feel SO peaceful, light and much happier a person.
You know why?
Because, in the long term, it does impact the other person as well because who doesn’t appreciate kindness and affection?
We as a generation, OVERTHINK SO MUCH.

So, pick up the phone and call/text the person you thought of while reading this article.

:)

xx
Anushree

_____

The picture above is of course from my childhood and the picture below is at one of my wedding event's in 2015. One of my last few pictures with him.
Some day I will write about him. About what a man of stature and courage he was. How he single handedly changed his destiny and that of my family. Today I realise, where I get my passion for work and fire from :)